


Restart

by Lockedmyselfupinaroom



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe, Armin X Jean - Freeform, College AU, Jean x Armin - Freeform, Jearmin - Freeform, M/M, cross dressing armin
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-11
Updated: 2019-01-20
Packaged: 2019-03-29 20:43:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 17,918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13935024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lockedmyselfupinaroom/pseuds/Lockedmyselfupinaroom
Summary: Jean and Armin are freshmen in college. The two meet on a spontaneous misunderstanding in which Jean believes that Armin is Christa. Jean genuinely likes this person, but can he be given a second chance at love?





	1. A Spontaneous Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Armin dresses as Christa for a small film that Eren is working on - and a random student asks him to pretend to be his girlfriend for a date with his parents! Does Armin agree?

"Um, why do I have to play as Christa again?" Armin asks, embarrassment clear on his face as he dons a pair of black high heels. The blonde wig frames his face nicely, hiding all semblance of his boyishness.

"Because, a beautiful woman is the perfect model for this commercial," Eren states.

"But why can't Mikasa do it?" Armin looks over at Mikasa, who glares at him.

"I'm not an actress," Mikasa says flatly.

"Trust me, if Mikasa could act, she'd definitely be in the shoot. She's a lot prettier than you are," Eren says, oblivious to the deep blush that crawls over Mikasa's face, "and the real Christa has a scheduling conflict, so you're the next best thing. Besides, you're in the drama club, this is good practice for you."

"Well, I've always wanted to be in a theatrical production, but I don't really care for fake TV ads," Armin says, allowing Mikasa to smear some lip gloss on his lips.

"This is a school project, c'mon Armin, don't you want to help me get a good grade?" Eren asks. He has that passion in his green eyes again, the one that Armin can't say no to. Eren aspires to become a director one day, and this little commercial is one project of his in what's sure to be many more to come over his next few years. They are college freshmen, and Armin has a feeling this won't be the only time he helps out with Eren's video production assignments, so he sighs and gives in.

"Fine."

"Alright! You won't regret this! You're gonna look great!" Eren says, looking ecstatic.

"You've already got the outfit on anyways," Mikasa points out.

The three of them walk out of Eren's dorm and find a sunny patch of grass below one of the larger trees on campus. Eren pulls out his camera and sets it up, trying to find the best lighting. Mikasa gives him support while Armin stands around awkwardly.

Although he's in a pretty good costume as a girl, he still hopes that no one will see him and recognize him. Dressed in heels and a skirt isn't his idea of fun, and he wonders idly how any woman can do it – he's already quite unbalanced normally, so it hasn't exactly been a 'walk in the park' wearing heels.

Once all of Eren's equipment is set, he begins taking some shots of Armin. The purpose of the commercial is to advertize their university, and to bring in more students. Whoever gets the best grade on this assignment will actually have their commercial shown once on television. Eren, of course, is trying to get his commercial out there.

He chose to take a scenic shot of Armin pretending to study in the beautiful green on campus, along with other shots he's already taken. Armin tries his best to look the part of the pretty yet studious blonde, taking cover under the tree while reading her textbook. It's easy for him, since he spends most of his time studying anyways. He wants to be an architect, so he has a pretty hefty class load. He's always had a passion for arts, so he's also joined the drama club on campus in order to fulfill his dream of acting on stage at least once in his life.

Eren swings the camera around Armin as he studies, making sure to get the best angle. Mikasa advises him on how to do this, almost like a co-director. The whole process is beginning to be a little boring, and Armin feels like dozing off.

But he's woken up abruptly when a strange fellow rushes up beside Mikasa. Mikasa looks at him, surprised. The student has a mess of brunette hair, shaven on the side, and he's tall. He has a long and narrow face, with a sturdy jaw, although he's currently panting for breath, as though he's been running around campus all day.

"Mikasa," he breathes out, looking extremely grateful to have found her.

"Um, yes?" Mikasa looks at him, perplexed.

"You're in my English class, I'm Jean, remember?"

"Oh. Right," Mikasa says. Armin resists the urge to roll his eyes at her. This girl is so oblivious to all her admirers. She only has eyes for Eren.

"Um. So, well, I know this is kind of out of the blue, but would you perhaps go out with my parents and I for dinner tonight?" he stumbles over his words, but continues to look her straight in the face. Armin admires his bravery, and he actually smiles, thinking that Jean's blunt confession is kind of adorable in a crazy way.

Eren steps in front of Mikasa, protectively, "Just who the hell are you?"

"No," Mikasa says behind Eren, not caring to let him down gently, "Why don't you ask Christa over here?" she smirks, pointing to Armin behind her.

Armin is still sitting under the tree, textbook open and laying in his lap. He gets up quickly, "Hey, what are you on about?"

"Haha," Eren laughs, seeming to forget his anger with Jean, "We're just about done here anyways. Yeah, you should take Christa on a date!" Eren buckles over with laughter, trying his best to compose himself.

Jean looks to Armin, who still has the full appearance of a girl, with hope in his eyes. "Well, I know I don't know you, but would you come Christa?" he walks forward and gets right up close to Armin, almost too close for his liking, "I told my parents a dumb lie that I had a girlfriend, and they're coming here tonight to meet her. I'll give you $50."

Armin's eyes light up. Money. Now that was something he couldn't just pass up. As a freshman on a budget, with no time to work a part time job, money was scarce in Armin's life. He's currently living off of student loans and a meal plan, so the idea of having a free dinner with this guy's parents and getting $50 out of it sounds pretty appealing…

But the problem is Jean must think that Armin is actually a girl. He seems to believe that Armin is Christa. Can Armin really pull of acting like Christa for an entire dinner? Well, he'll have to put his few weeks of drama club practice into action.

He smiles and nods his head, "Sure. Why not. I mean, if you're that desperate then I guess it can't hurt, and besides, I could use the money." He says it in the most girlish voice possible, and he watches as Eren and Mikasa's jaws drop. He gives them a silent glare, threatening them with his eyes not to say anything to ruin this. They slowly close their jaws and nod ever so slightly, so that Jean won't notice.

Jean is over the moon with glee, "oh thank you thank you! Well, the dinner is in an hour, but can we hang out before then? I should probably get to know you a bit before I introduce you to my parents." This plan is starting to sound quite ludicrous to Armin, but he nods and waves goodbye to Mikasa and Eren. He's pretty sure he can hear them buckle over with laughter once they are a few feet away.

…..

"So, um, why would you lie to your parents that you have a girlfriend?" Armin asks, playing with the hair of his wig, trying his best to act natural.

Jean and Armin are sitting in a bench at the park, and he turns to Armin, slightly pink in the face. He sighs, "well, I wanted them to think I was, you know," he waves his hands, looking for the right words, "doing well."

"And having a girlfriend would be a sign of doing well to them?" Armin asks, raising an eyebrow.

"Well, yeah. They've been worried about my…well being. I've been getting good grades, and I sort of stretched the truth with talking about my success to them," Jean explains, laughing a little awkwardly.

"Hm, okay. So, what exactly did you tell them about your fake girlfriend?" Armin asks. He has so many questions, this man sitting next to him is an enigma. Who would lie to their parents about something like that? What's the real reason he did that?

"Oh, well, I told them she's cute, so I'm glad I found you," Jean says, without really thinking. He realizes that he just complimented Armin though and looks panicked, "Oh um, sorry! I mean, I'm not trying to hit on you, really! I mean, you are cute, but, I know you didn't agree to a real date and. Okay. I'm going to be quiet now," Jean is completed flustered, and Armin laughs, finding this very flattering and adorable.

He continues to chuckle, hiding his mouth with his hand and hoping that his laugh sounds girlish. "You're a weird guy," Armin finally says, and Jean furrows his eyebrows, "I mean, you seem to worry a lot about what others think about you…but thanks for the compliment."

Jean grumbles something under his breath about how he doesn't really care what others think, and Armin realizes he may have hit a sore spot. "Oh, sorry, I didn't mean to assume anything," Armin apologizes quickly, "Now, tell me about you, so that I don't make a fool of myself in front of your parents."

"Oh sure," Jean says, snapping out of his glum mood, "Well, I'm a freshman studying sports medicine, as I want to be a physical trainer some day. In high school I played on the soccer team, and I love listening to rock music. Um…what else do you want to know?" Jean looks over at Armin, seemingly out of ideas.

"Everything, I'm supposed to be your girlfriend, remember?" Armin says, leaning closer to Jean. "What's your favorite color? Favorite food? Your likes and dislikes?"

"Okay, well I like green and I guess I like to eat pizza a lot, although I'm not particularly picky, and as far as my likes go…well, I like soccer and video games but admittedly I suck at video games. I like to read books and I like watching movies and being lazy when it rains. I dislike really cold weather and I've never traveled very far, but I always thought it would be nice to travel someday. Um…I also don't like horses too much, when I was a kid I was thrown off a horse and I was scared ever since," Jean rambles all of this out, closing his eyes with concentration. Armin wonders for a second if he's ever told anyone all this information so readily, it looks like he's straining just relaying these few simple details about himself to Armin.

Armin doesn't laugh about the horse thing, or ask him why he hasn't traveled. He nods, taking in this information, and finding similarities to his own self. Jean told him a small part of who he is, and it struck a chord with Armin, mostly because of how much the two have in common. So although Armin is playing as someone else, he feels the need to tell Jean that the two of them are not so different, "It sounds like you and I could get along very easily." He smiles widely, noting Jean's slight blush, "I too like to read, it's one of my favorite things to do when I'm alone. I'm alone a lot of the time, but I don't really mind. And I'm probably too scared to ever ride a horse, although I've never had the chance. Most of my life, I've felt like I've been locked up in a cage, I grew up sort of poor, so I never had the chance to travel. I've always wanted to see the ocean, it's been a dream of mine since I was little. I guess you could say I've lived vicariously through stories all my life. I've been interested in arts since I was little, and I have a pretty sharp mind, so I'm studying to become an architect. My friends Eren and Mikasa also encouraged me to join the drama club, so that I could try acting…I've always wanted to at least see what it's like to pretend to be someone else." Armin realizes that this all probably sounds pretty lame, but it's also the truth. He has to act the part of a girl, but that doesn't mean he has to be someone completely different.

Jean takes a moment to gather all this information. He looks awestruck, "wow Christa, you're the most honest, straight forward girl I've ever meet."

Armin blushes, and turns his face to hide it from Jean, "Haha, well, you were really truthful with me so I thought I'd return the favor!"

"Yeah," Jean smiles softly, "anyways, it's almost time for us to get going. My parents want to meet at Bella Luna at 7."

"Bella Luna? Isn't that a really nice restaurant?" Armin asks, surprised.

"Yeah, do you have anything nice to wear?" Jean asks back. Armin nods, and they agree to meet in a half hour in front of Jean's dorm. Armin's going to have to hurry and beg Mikasa to borrow some of her clothes.

….

Armin feels absolutely ridiculous in Mikasa's red dress and high heels. It takes him a few minutes of practice to walk in the heels, but Mikasa doesn't laugh at him. She simply looks at him questioningly, as though she's studying a subject matter for science class.

"Why did you agree to this again?" she wonders while brushing his face with blush.

"He's giving me $50," Armin reminds her, trying to sit still as she now digs around for mascara. "Besides, he isn't so bad. I think it will be nice company."

"But if they find out you're a guy, you're in big trouble," Mikasa reminds him.

"Well, I'll just have to continue acting like a girl all night then," Armin says, shrugging like it's no big deal.

Mikasa huffs to herself indignantly, and Armin is slightly annoyed, "What?"

"You think it's easy to pretend to be a girl?" Mikasa asks.

"I've been doing it all afternoon, it's no big deal!" Armin defies.

"Alright then," Mikasa replies, still sounding doubtful.

…

A half hour later, Armin is silently cursing Mikasa and whoever invented high heels. How can women wear these things all the time? Armin walks slowly, trying not to tumble to the ground while simultaneously trying to keep his padded bra upright and his spaghetti straps from slipping down his shoulders.

He hates to admit this, but Mikasa was right.

Being a woman all day is awful. He wonders why they don't get more credit for the outfits they wear to look good. He has a newfound appreciation for all women of the world.

"Um, are you okay?" Jean looks at Armin curiously, raising an eyebrow up.

Armin turns his face away to hide his blush, "I'm fine, um, these shoes are new though so it takes a while to break into."

"You didn't have to look that fancy," Jean says.

"It's a nice restaurant though! And you're wearing a tie!" Armin shoots back, in his rehearsed high pitched girlish voice.

Jean is wearing a button up with a blue tie, and looking absolutely stunning. Armin almost did a double take when he saw him, and he had to remind himself that this was just an outing to dinner with his parents, not a real date. It's a shame that Armin couldn't meet Jean while he was himself, really.

But oh well. Armin will have to ignore Jean's good looks and get through this dinner without making a scene.

…..

They arrive at the restaurant a few minutes early, and Armin is starting to get a little nervous. "What if they don't like me?" he asks Jean, fretting about something that really he shouldn't be worried about.

Jean laughs, "Well, you aren't my real girlfriend, so it shouldn't be a big deal."

"But it's a big deal to you, right? I mean, why else would you lie to your parents?" Armin asks. Jean flinches slightly, and Armin realizes that he must have touched a nerve. He looks away quickly, biting his bottom lip, a nervous habit of his.

Before Jean can respond, an older couple walks into the restaurant, both with light brown hair and wide, happy smiles. "Jean!" the woman cries, bringing him in for a hug.

"Hello mother," Jean greets, looking a little embarrassed at being pulled in for a big squeeze.

"And you must be Jean's girlfriend?" Jean's mother asks, extending a hand forward.

"Yes, I'm A-um- Christa! Nice to meet you," Armin says, nearly exposing himself. He laughs nervously and extends a hand to shake with Jean's mother. After greeting her, he turns to greet Jean's father, who seems to be a closed-lipped type of person.

The four of them are seated soon after, and Jean's parents reminisce with him about their hometown. Armin listens, nodding at the appropriate times.

"Your father got a small promotion as well!" Jean's mother squeals, "So, we might be able to come visit you more often!"

"Oh, wow," Jean says, feigning interest, "That's great."

Jean's father clear his throat, "Anyways, how's college life son?"

Jean answers, "Everything is great, I have good grades, I'm used to my schedule now, and I'm adjusting well to campus life."

"And not to mention, you have a super cute girlfriend to keep you company!" Jean's mother says excitedly, "Tell us about yourself Christa! What's your major? What do you want to do as a career?"

"How did you and Jean meet?" Jean's father pokes in.

Armin gulps, feeling overwhelmed by all these questions. He's never had a real boyfriend before, is this really what it's like to meet your partner's parents? It's extremely stressful, to say the least!

Armin answers all their questions, trying to keep calm and respectful. Jean's parents seem impressed that he's studying architecture and that he's in the drama club. He makes up a story about his meeting with Jean, hoping that Jean will play along, "Jean and I met at the coffee shop on campus, I was studying for a test and he and I struck up a conversation by chance."

"Oh, that's odd," Jean's father furrows his brow, "Jean doesn't like coffee."

"Oh, um, I wasn't there for coffee," Jean says, quickly eyeing Armin, "I sometimes go there to study, since the atmosphere is nice." Armin realizes this is clearly a lie, but what else was he supposed to say? That he meet Jean a few hours ago while cross-dressing as a girl for his best friend's stupid commercial? Yeah right.

"Wow, that's so unlike you! I remember you used to only study alone in your room in high school," his mother says, "it looks like you've already changed so much."

"Yeah well," Jean clears his throat awkwardly. But Armin notices that he doesn't seem upset, rather, he seems to be in a good mood along with his parents. Although Armin made up this information on the spot, it seems that Jean's parents are happy – and therefore, Jean is in light spirits as well.

The subject of conversation soon moves on from Jean and 'Christa' and back to other topics. Armin relaxes after a little while, realizing how easy it is to talk to Jean's parents. They are easily flattered by his intelligence and charm, and Armin finds himself enjoying the dinner out.

The best part of the evening is having Jean beside him. Jean watches Armin carefully, making sure that he's alright and not too uncomfortable. In the flow of conversation, Armin notices that he and Jean do get along quite well actually, and they soon don't have to try so hard to pretend like they're a couple. There's a natural chemistry between them, and a mutual understanding passes through them. Perhaps, Armin thinks, he could actually make a good friend here.

When it's time for them to depart, Jean's parents mention again how lovely it was to meet Christa. Genuine smiles are etched on their faces as they walk away, leaving Jean alone with Armin again. Armin sighs in relief – it seems everything was a success!

Jean walks Armin back to his dorm, and the two of them strike up another conversation about random things – from favorite movies, to books to food interests – it's just so easy and natural speaking with Jean.

"Oh, well, here we are," Jean says when they arrive back at Armin's dorm. "Thanks again Christa for coming out with me tonight, I really do appreciate it."

"Oh, no, it was no problem! You have really great parents," Armin says, before blushing a little. He wanted to mention that he really enjoyed getting to know Jean, but he isn't sure where they stand now. Are they going to continue seeing each other as friends? Or is this their one and only encounter?

"Oh," Jean remembers something and takes out his wallet, digging out some cash to give to 'Christa.'

Guilt pools inside of Armin's stomach, "oh no Jean, really, I can't accept that," he says frantically. Sure, he may have helped Jean out for the time being, but things feel wrong somehow. He's lying to Jean, who believes him to be a girl. After seeing how good a guy Jean is, Armin feels bad accepting his money.

Jean stares at him, confused. "I thought the whole reason you came out tonight was for the cash?"

"At first, yes, but…" Armin pauses, not sure what to say. He looks down at his feet, fidgeting.

"Hm," Jean smiles and turns red, "maybe, um, I can just repay you another way then? I know it's a little sudden…but I felt like you and I got along really well today, genuinely…and, well, if you'd like to actually go out for dinner or something sometime, maybe..?"

Armin watches Jean stammer this butchered attempt at asking him on a date, and his heart stops for a moment. It's completely adorable how nervous he is, even though he spent the last few hours chatting Armin up with no problem at all. Again, that feeling of guilt claws inside of Armin, so he decides there's only one thing he can do now – come clean.

"Um, Jean," Armin looks up at him, and takes a deep breath, "to be honest with you – "

"Oh, right, yeah no worries Christa! It was silly of me anyways, to assume we could go on a date, I mean, I don't really know you right?" Jean laughs awkwardly and then turns around in a flash, "I should get going, see you around!"

Armin barely had time to process what happened. "Huh? Wait!" Armin yells, rushing forward. But it's already too late – Jean waves goodbye and then darts off as if someone is chasing him.

Is he really that afraid of rejection? Or did he suddenly change his mind in the last second there? What had happened?

Armin may never know. He's left baffled at the entrance to his dormitory, unsure of whether he'll ever see that cute awkward brunette again in his life.


	2. Who is Christa?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jean looks all over for Christa - he finally finds her, and is surprised by what he finds out.

Jean half runs, half walks back to his dormitory across campus. What the hell did he just do?! He asked Christa out, that's what…and he didn't even have the dignity to wait for a response!

Oh gosh, if her answer was actually 'yes,' then he just blew it big time. He was so afraid of rejection, that he instantly backtracked in the conversation, cut her off, and dashed like an asshole. There's certainly no way she would ever say yes to a date with him now…

Jean has to apologize. It's the only right thing to do. He acted like an idiot after being smooth and calm and collected the whole night. How could he let that happen!?

"Argh," he curses under his breath as he opens the door to his dorm room, where his roommate Connie lays on his bed, reading a book.

"Did the date go that bad?" Connie asks, peeking his nose up from the book.

"It went great actually," Jean says, throwing himself onto his bed and sighing, "but it wasn't a date, just a dinner with my parents. I totally screwed everything up after the dinner though."

"Oh?" Connie inquires, putting his book down on the bedside table.

"I asked Christa out and then fled," Jean explains.

"What do you mean fled? What did she say?" Connie asks.

"I didn't give her a chance to speak…I got scared that she might say no, so I just…booked it," Jean says, replaying the horrible encounter in his mind's eye.

Connie chuckles and Jean throws his pillow at him. "Sorry, sorry!" Connie says through more giggles, "but, it is kinda funny when you think about it. I mean, who does that?"

"A loser," Jean says, heaving a long exhale.

"A c'mon, you're not a loser," Connie says, "well, maybe a little. But, you said the dinner went well, right? So, Christa probably feels the same way towards you."

Jean shakes his head nonchalantly, already tired of this conversation. "I don't know about that," he says, doubtful of himself. He used to have a lot more confidence in high school…but that was before Marco…

Jean grabs a random textbook from his pile on his desk and pretends to study, that way Connie won't ask any more questions. Connie takes the hint and picks up his book again.

Meanwhile, Jean thinks over and over again about every conversation he had with Christa earlier today, before his disastrous idea to run away without an answer. Everything had gone pretty well, all in all. He recalls how easy it was to speak with her, and how much they had in common. Despite his mishap, maybe it was still possible to patch things up with her.

If only he had gotten her number.

…

Jean wakes early the next day to his blaring alarm clock, which he promptly smashes. He groans to himself – why on earth did he decide to take a class at 8am?

He quietly gets ready, so as not to disturb Connie. After combing through his messy hair and brushing his teeth, he grabs his backpack and heads out to class, rubbing the grogginess away from his eyes.

Jean barely stays awake through the lecture, thinking that perhaps he should start drinking coffee after all.

Thoughts of Christa keep swimming through his mind, and he wonders idly if he'll ever get a chance to see her again.

….

After class, Jean heads towards the cafeteria, his stomach begging for breakfast. He's walking slow, taking his time and listening to music when something catches his eye – something blonde.

He can barely believe his eyes! He was thinking about Christa all morning, believing that he'd never see her again. Yet there she is, a few yard away on a bench, talking to a taller girl with brown hair and freckles.

Jean rushes over, although not too eagerly. He has to be mindful of what he said to her last night – and how he dashed on her. Hopefully she won't treat him with disdain.

Christa is engrossed in conversation with the woman sitting next to her, her face turned away from Jean. As Jean approaches, he isn't quite sure if this is actually Christa – her mannerisms are a bit different than the Christa he got to know last night at dinner. Yet it looks exactly like her from the back.

There's only one way to find out, "Christa?" he asks.

The brunette girl gives him a rude glance as Christa turns around – or at least, who Jean thought was Christa.

She looks almost like Christa, but clearly is someone else, "Oh, sorry," Jean says, puzzled.

"I am Christa," she replies, looking just as confused, "did you need something?"

"I-I met a Christa yesterday…from the drama club?" Jean isn't sure what to say, so he's stumbling on his words again.

"This is obviously a different Christa, my girlfriend isn't in some stupid drama club," the brunette girl says.

"Ymir," Christa huffs, "don't be mean. We have a friend in the drama club." Ymir places a hand on Christa's thigh, and gives her a soft smile that Christa returns. "You must be mistaking me for someone else, sorry. Maybe try going to the drama club? They meet at 4pm in building C today, Armin was telling me about it."

"Oh..kay," Jean says tentatively. The Christa before him is very much like the one he took to dinner with his parents, but her face is different. Yet he finds it odd that there are two girls on campus named Christa who look this similar. Is someone playing a prank on him?

He walks away slowly, his mind buzzing. He just might want to check out the drama club today at 4, and see what the heck is going on.

…..

Jean walks into building C awkwardly, trailing behind a group of girls who are singing musical songs as they dance forward into a large room – he knows he's definitely in the right place.

Jean hangs back by the door, watching everyone bustle around merrily. It seems that no one has taken notice of him, which is a relief. Jean scans the crowd for Christa, but doesn't see any blonde girls in sight.

There is a blonde boy towards the back of the room, helping another student with zipping up her dress. His round face is framed by his blonde bob of hair, and he wears a slightly anxious expression as he struggles to zip up the woman's dress. Something about that face though…Jean has definitely met that person before.

The blonde boy walks away, seemingly looking for an extra pair of hands to help with his situation. His eyes fall on Jean sitting alone by the door and he visibly stops in his tracks, confirming Jean's suspicion.

Jean can't believe it.

Christa wasn't a girl at all – it was a guy from the drama club, playing a cruel prank on him!

Jean storms over to this insolent 'actor' before he knows what he's doing. The punk must have had a great laugh with his buddies at Jean, he must have thought it was hilarious when Jean tried to ask him out! Jean could smash his face in, could truly show him a lesson.

"Christa, huh?" Jean snarls out, face red with madness.

The blonde boy opens his mouth and blinks several times, his arms slack at his side. He probably never thought Jean would find him like this and catch him in his act.

All eyes in the room are upon them now, all faces turned towards the commotion. Jean does all he can to hold back from slapping the boy in front of him – its those eyes of his that stop him from becoming irrational. Something in those guilty and pleading eyes tell Jean that it simply wouldn't be a good idea to get physical.

But Jean is hurt – he doesn't like being made a fool. So the words come out like hot lava, "you played a dirty trick on me! You think you were being funny huh? Pretending to be a girl so you could get a cheap laugh?"

"No!" The boy finally speaks, his face etched with turmoil, "That's not how it happened! I'm sorry Jean!"

"Save it, asshole," Jean turns on the spot, ignoring the murmurs around him as he storms out of the room.

Hot tears prick at his eyes, but he fights them back.

Why did he ever think that he could actually have a chance at romance again? He thought he had made a true connection with Christa last night…something that hasn't happened to him in a long time.

But it was all a sham.

The only one he'll ever love is gone, long gone from his life. There won't be any second chances for Jean, and he'll simply have to live with that fact.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks everyone for reading so far! It's been a while since I've written a fanfic story of any type, so I'm a bit rusty - forgive me! If people want it to, I could eventually make the rating of this story more mature. I am still feeling it out. Let me know what you think, thanks! :)


	3. Second Chances

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jean learns the truth about Armin, and they both admit their feelings towards each other. Will Armin be given a second chance?

Armin does his best to ignore all the questions and stares of everyone around him. His face is burning hot and he feels a hole in the pit of his stomach. He's so uneasy he feels sick.

He's done a horrible thing – a terrible thing. He needs to explain to Jean what happened.

Armin rushes out of the drama club room, making up some excuse to the others as he leaves.

The heavy fall air hits his face as he runs out the door of the building, spotting Jean not too far ahead of him.

"Wait!" he calls desperately.

Jean doesn't stop, he continues walking ahead, pushing past people in his effort to get away from Armin.

Armin doubles his pace, sprinting with all he has – until he feels like he's practically flying towards Jean.

Before he can stop himself, he's colliding against Jean's backside, and then falling hopelessly to the floor. Jean finally spins around, although with much less anger this time. "Are you crazy?" he asks.

Armin's head is spinning, he knocked himself pretty hard on the ground. The only saving grace was that he landed in the grass. He's winded from his sprint, so he takes a few deep breaths – he's pretty out of shape.

"Hey- um, are you alright?" Jean asks, now with concern. Armin nods quickly and gets up from the ground, still heaving.

"Jean – I – need – to –talk," Armin spits out.

Jean's face creases with anger, but he sighs and says, "Make it quick. Take some more breaths though, don't pass out here please. Let's sit over there," he indicates towards a bench under a tree, and Armin nods in agreement.

The two sit down and Armin takes a moment to catch his breath. Once he can talk, he begins to explain, "I'm sorry Jean. I really am. I don't know why I led you on like that, pretending to be a girl the whole time…it was wrong. I actually wanted to tell you after the date last night, but you ran off so suddenly, I didn't get a chance."

"You should've told me before the date," Jean says, "I don't even know who you are. You lied to me."

"I know," Armin looks at Jean, trying to express how sorry he is, "My name is Armin. And you're right, I shouldn't have lied about being Christa. Christa is a real person, she's a friend of mine. I was acting as her for my friend Eren's video shoot…when you walked up, that's what we were doing. I'm really sorry. I guess I thought that if you knew I was a man, you wouldn't want me to come along on the date with your parents."

Jean listens to all this and is quiet for a minute. "That's not the problem," he finally says.

"What do you mean?"

Jean sighs, "It doesn't matter to me whether you're a guy or a girl – if I had known you were a guy, I probably still would have asked you to wear the costume, just for the simple fact that I did tell my parents that I am dating a girl. But the thing that bothers me is that you pretended to be someone else…and I even tried to ask you out." Jean is red in the face from admitting this, and Armin sits there for a moment, taking this all in.

So Jean must have felt a connection to Armin too, not just because of his looks as Christa, but because of his personality. Armin feels a flurry of butterflies in his stomach, and he quickly relays to Jean the truth, "Jean, although I was dressed up as Christa, everything I said to you that night was about me. To be honest, I'm not a very good actor…the drama club is just an idle hobby for me. But I really am an architect major, and I do want to visit the ocean, and all the other things I told you – it was all about Armin, not about Christa. And," Armin blushes furiously, but feels that he owes it to Jean to tell him the truth, "I felt a strong connection with you last night. I thought we got along well. When you were asking me out, I was really happy. I wanted to tell you the truth at that time, and I figured you would probably be mad at me and not want to ask me on a date…so I was scared…but then you ran off…and I've been conflicted ever since. I'm sorry."

Jean clears his throat, "so –er- you're interested in men then?" he asks, a little nonchalantly.

"Yes," Armin says, unashamedly. He's been open about his sexuality for a while now, and has no need to hide it.

"Well…I liked the person who I was talking to last night. As I said before, it doesn't matter if you are a man or a woman to me," Jean explains, his face beet red once more, "I just don't like that you lied to me about it."

"I know," Armin sighs, "I don't know what to say…I'm really sorry. I hoped we could at least form a friendship after our dinner last night, but I may have ruined that chance."

Jean looks at Armin and says, "I'd like to give it another chance…us…I mean," he buries his face in his hand for a second before starting over, "What I'm trying to say is that I forgive you Armin. And I want to get to know you better."

"I'd like that too," Armin agrees, smiling ear to ear. He never thought the conversation would turn up like this.

"Then…will you go out with me again sometime?" Jean asks, looking Armin straight in the eye. "I won't run away again," Jean adds on, laughing nervously.

Armin returns the laughter and nods his head, "yes Jean. And thank you. I'm grateful to get another chance."

Jean smiles widely in return, and the two exchange numbers, Armin's hands shaking all the while. He can't believe he's being given another chance – he's so happy!

"Thank you Jean –um- I do have to get back to my drama practice though," Armin says, getting up from the bench.

"Yeah of course," Jean says, "so, I'll text you later then?"

"Yes!" Armin says, a bit too enthusiastically. "Okay, um, see you later then."

"Yeah, see you," Jean says, waving a hand as Armin walks away, his heart thumping madly in his chest.

….

"So wait, you guys are gonna go out on another date?" Mikasa asks in disbelief.

Armin blushes and nods his head again, "Yes, this weekend he's taking me out."

"Where?" Eren sits up eagerly, interested in Armin's first ever romantic interest.

"I don't know yet…he said it's a surprise," Armin's eyebrows furrow, "you don't think he's still mad at me right? This isn't a trick?"

"No stupid," Eren says a bit too harshly, "and if it is, I'll kill him."

Eren's eyes are wide with malice at the thought of Jean tricking Armin, and Armin chuckles, "Yeah, right."

"It sounds like he really likes you," Mikasa adds, ignoring Eren's intensity. "You must have been a really charming lady."

"Well," Armin bites his lower lip, "I do hope he meant it when he said that gender doesn't matter to him…I mean, he was first attracted to me when I looked like a girl…so can he be serious?"

"Armin you worry too much," Mikasa says, "it's a first date, so go and have fun."

"Yeah," Eren agrees, nodding.

Armin sighs and nods his head, going back to his closet to try and pick out the perfect outfit. Mikasa helps him find something casual, yet nice – a blue polo shirt with clean cut jeans and a comfortable jacket to wear over it.

Now Armin simply has to survive a date – his first real date.

….

Jean arrives in front of Armin's dorm early afternoon that Saturday, hands nervously stuffed in his pockets. He smiles awkwardly at Armin and waves him over towards his beat up car, clearly a hand-me down. But Armin isn't complaining – he has no vehicle himself, so he's grateful that Jean has something to take them off campus for a little while.

"How was your week?" Armin asks, once he's seated comfortably in Jean's car. It smells like fresh pine, and he spots several tree air fresheners hanging on the mirror.

"It was good, my classes are going well. Oh," Jean pauses for a second as he makes a right turn, "I also spoke with my parents and told them the truth."

Armin startles, "What did you say to them?"

"I told them that I don't have a girlfriend, that I was only trying to impress them. They got pretty mad, but that was to be expected," Jean says, "I guess I realized I was being a bit of a hypocrite towards you."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I got mad at you for lying to me, when I was lying to my parents," Jean says, "you were brave enough to tell me the truth about who you are. I figured I should confess everything to my parents. I admitted to them that I'm single, but my grades are doing fine."

"I'm glad you were honest," Armin says, smiling. He opens his mouth and then closes it again, not sure if he would step any boundaries asking his next question. He's too curious to keep it inside, "Jean, why did you lie to them about being in a relationship in the first place? Is it really that big a deal to your parents?"

Jean sighs heavily, "Hmm…not really. I guess…it was more for my own sake. They worry about me a lot, and I wanted them to think that I'm really happy."

"You need a girlfriend to be really happy?" Armin asks.

"No, not really. But from my parents' perspective, they would think I'm happier if I had a partner," Jean explains, then adds, "I know it doesn't really make a lot of sense."

"Yeah," Armin laughs a bit. He wonders idly if Jean is unhappy. Why would Jean need to make up stories to pretend to be happy?

Before Armin can ask any more questions, they pull up into a parking lot and his eyes grow wide as he sees the sign – the Aquarium!

"Jean! An aquarium!" Armin bounces up in his seat excitedly.

"Yeah," Jean blushes a little, seeing how excited Armin is next to him, "I know you want to see the ocean, but we aren't near any beaches. I figured this would be the next best thing."

"This is perfect!" Armin squeals, impatient to get out of the car now.

They park and Armin can barely contain his excitement – he thinks back to his biology class in high school, and tries to recall anything and everything he learned about marine life. He loves to learn, and can't wait to read about the fish and mammals inside.

Jean leads them in, he already bought the tickets online. Armin pulls on Jean's sleeve towards the first fish tank, talking excitedly about the different patterns and colors, and reading the plaques to find out what type of fish are in the tank.

"Oh look, an angelfish!" Armin points out, looking back and forth from Jean to the fish.

"Yeah," Jean smiles, "and look, there's a rainbow fish over there."

Armin is surprised by Jean's knowledge of fish – he wonders if Jean did some research on the aquarium before coming.

The two continue through the exhibits, and Armin notices that Jean slowly gets closer to him each time they approach a new tank. Jean's hand lingers close to Armin's, but he quickly places it in his pocket anytime Armin looks down.

Armin was so enthralled with the aquarium that he almost forgot this was a date – but clearly Jean did not forget. Armin realizes that Jean must have been trying to hold his hand, and Armin suddenly feels his heart pump madly in his chest.

Armin walks slowly towards the viewing area of the sharks, purposefully keeping his hands free by his side. He watches from the corner of his eye as Jean slides up next to him, their fingers a centimeter apart.

Armin can't stand the awkward waiting anymore, so he grabs Jean's hand purposefully, hearing a muffled noise of surprise from Jean as he does. Jean looks down and intertwines their fingers together, beet red. Armin can't hide his smile or his blush, so he looks back at the sharks, hoping that his palms won't get sweaty.

"So, what do you know about these types of sharks?" Jean asks, breaking the tension.

"This is a sand tiger shark," Armin points out, "it's a slow moving shark, and a relative to the great white."

"Wow, you know so much about everything. I think you're the smartest person I know Armin," Jean says, amazed by Armin's knowledge.

"I'm just good at reading," Armin says with a laugh, pointing out the plaque on sand tiger sharks right in front of them.

Jean laughs in response, "I didn't even notice that. I was too distracted."

Armin blushes, realizing what Jean is implying. Armin feels Jean squeeze his hand, and then he leads Armin towards the next tank, still clasping his hand firmly, apparently not wanting to let go. Armin follows along blissfully, happy to oblige with holding hands for the entirety of the date.


	4. A Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jean gets closer to Connie, and tells him about Armin. Maybe it's ok to be honest about himself with others?

Jean keeps his eyes on the road ahead as he listens to Armin jabber away in the passenger seat of his car. The two started talking about all sorts of topics while on their date, and Armin opened up easily to Jean, describing to him his hobbies, interests, and memories. Jean listens intently, though his mind is still stuck on the wonderful feeling of holding Armin's hand.

"…then I fell headfirst onto the ground, I nearly had to get stitches," Armin relates, speaking about an experience from his past, "Mikasa nearly killed Eren for that prank," Armin laughs.

"Wow, your friends sound…interesting," Jean says hesitantly.

"They're good people, once you get to know them. Eren likes to joke around a lot, and although Mikasa scolds him for it, she enjoys his little stunts too," Armin pauses, then adds, "I'd love for you to meet them someday, properly this time."

"Yeah?" Jean asks, feeling excitement bubble in his chest – if Armin wants him to meet his friends, then he must really like him, right?

"Yeah! You'd love them!" Armin says excitedly.

"Your friend Eren sounds a bit reckless, but of course. I'd love to meet them," Jean says, noting Armin's wide smile.

"Awesome. And I'd like to meet your friends too," Armin says.

"Heh," Jean gives a dry scoff, "I don't really have any friends."

Armin furrows his brow, "What do you mean?"

Jean feels heat crawl up his skin – he shouldn't have said that. "I-I mean, I sorta keep to myself. I guess you could meet my roommate Connie, he's pretty cool."

"You don't consider him a friend?" Armin asks, poking further into the matter. Jean wishes he would drop it and move on to another topic.

"Well, I guess I do…but I haven't ever called him a 'friend' before. Like I said, I've mostly been keeping to myself since I got to college…" Jean lets his thoughts trail listlessly in the air, not sure if he should continue it. He decides to keep his mouth shut, and he notes that Armin doesn't ask any more questions, though he's clearly itching to do so.

After a few moments of awkward silence, Armin starts to talk about the Aquarium again, which Jean is grateful for. They discuss the beluga whales, and Jean starts laughing as he reminisces the look on Armin's face when he saw the baby beluga.

"You are too cute!" Jean says while pulling the car up in front of Armin's dorm building, "Your eyes got all big and your jaw dropped open, I've never seen anything like it!"

"Hey," Armin mockingly punches Jean lightly on the arm, embarrassed.

Jean grins at him, he's starting to enjoy teasing him. His heart feels light and airy, and he dreads having this date end. Yet they are already at their destination, so it's time for Jean to say goodbye.

"So anyways," he starts lamely, "I had a really great time today."

"Yeah," Armin's smile is blinding, "I did too! I'm really happy you gave me a second chance."

"Of course," Jean says. He clears his throat, which suddenly feels sticky with nerves. Will Armin want to go on a second date? There's only one way to find out. "Armin, would you like to go out again sometime?"

"Yes," Armin doesn't miss a beat, he answers quickly with an excited glare in his eyes. Jean feels that warmth again in his chest – it's been a long time since he's felt this way.

"Great," Jean says, "I look forward to it."

"Me too," Armin says, "but yeah, I probably should get going huh?" Armin looks out the car window to his dorm building, then back at Jean. Jean nods, a lump has formed in his throat again, rendering him unable to form sentences as he simply stares at Armin's crystal blue eyes.

Armin leans in closer to Jean, a bit hesitantly. Jean follows suit, leaning in to give Armin a hug goodbye. As they hug, Armin gives Jean a quick kiss on the cheek, right before he says a hurried, "goodbye, thank you!" and scrambles out of the car.

The kiss happened so quick that Jean couldn't even react. He watches as Armin half runs towards the building, rushing inside. Jean smiles to himself and touches his cheek, feeling the warmth left behind by Armin.

It really has been a long time since Jean felt this happy.

…..

Jean and Armin text nonstop over the next few days, talking about anything and everything. Jean hasn't had a chance yet to take him on a second date, not with the amount of school work he has piling up. Yet he and Armin keep checking their schedules and looking for the right time, and discussing where they'd like to go next.

Jean lays in his bed, staring up at his phone as he types away, answering Armin's recent question about his favorite and least favorites foods. He smiles as he reads that Armin loves sweet things like cakes and ice cream – somehow, it suits him.

"What are you so smiley for over there?" Connie asks him, setting aside his computer to look over at Jean.

"Nothing," Jean says, putting his phone down for the first time in ages, "just dad jokes."

"Dad jokes? You've been blushing and grinning like an idiot over dad jokes?" Connie asks, clearly not buying it.

Jean turns redder, and turns his head away from Connie, "It's nothing."

"I thought Christa turned you down?" Connie asks. Jean feels his heart pound – he didn't want to have to confide in everything to Connie, he's been trying his hardest to keep his wall up and not let Connie in. What would Connie think of him if he knew he was talking to a boy?

Jean tries to ignore him, but Connie is suddenly on top of him, poking his nose in and trying to view Jean's texts, "Hey man! Personal privacy!" Jean yells, trying to kick Connie away.

"I just wanna know who she is! Can I see a picture? How come you never talk about this stuff?" Connie is struggling with Jean's arms, trying to reach his phone.

"It's none of your business, that's why," Jean retorts, struggling against Connie's grip – why is Connie so strong? Damn.

Connie's left hand scoots lower upon Jean and then he starts tickling him, causing Jean to cackle in surprise and drop the phone. Connie swiftly grabs the phone and looks at the screen, much to Jean's dismay.

"Wait!" Jean calls out, but it's already too late.

"Armin? Who is that?" Connie asks.

Jean snatches the phone away from Connie, beet red. "He's a guy I took out on a date last weekend, okay." He'd like to die from embarrassment – surely Connie is going to stop being so friendly now, right?

"Oh awesome! Where did you guys go? What's he look like?" Connie bounces around up and down excitedly, seemingly unfazed by the fact that Jean went on a date with a guy and not a girl like he had previously assumed.

"Uh…I took him to the Aquarium…" Jean says slowly. Is it really alright for him to open up to his roommate like this? He isn't quite sure.

"Hey man," Connie says, noting Jean's tension, "you don't have to be so closed up around me, ya know! I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable, I shouldn't have just assumed that you were straight or anything."

"Well I'm…I don't know what I am," Jean states honestly, "I just know that I'm attracted to people for who they are, it doesn't really matter what their gender is…I find all types of people attractive."

"That's totally cool man. I just want to get to know you, I want to be your friend! I was curious! I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable," Connie says again, looking a bit abashed.

"So…you don't mind that I'm interested in a guy?" Jean asks, making sure.

"Why would I mind that?" Connie asks, "Did…did you have a hard time or something in high school?"

"Hm, something like that," Jean says, not wishing to elaborate.

"This is college, if anyone here is a homophobic asshole they're in the wrong place. I'll beat anyone up who tries to make fun of another person for their sexuality! Or for anything really!" Connie gets up, looking passionate with his fists clenched.

"Calm down, I get it," Jean says, relieved.

Connie sits down on his bed, looking elated that he finally cracked the code of who Jean's been talking to. "So," he begins, "are you going to tell me about Armin or what?"

Jean rolls his eyes and sighs – but he figures that it's okay to discuss this with Connie, there's no harm in being honest about it right? He relays all the events to Connie, from the way he found out Christa was actually Armin, to his recent date last weekend. Connie listens intently and laughs at the right times, freaking out when he finds out that Christa was actually a guy dressed as a lady.

"Do you have a picture?" Connie asks again.

"No," Jean states truthfully, "he says that social media is a waste of his time right now, so don't ask about that either. He's just…really down to earth, and smart. I don't think he cares about that sort of thing."

"Take a selfie with him next time so I can see! Or better yet, bring him here so I can meet him!" Connie says excitedly.

"Yeah sure, all in good time. I don't want to freak him out just yet," Jean teases.

"Me? Freak him out?" Connie laughs, "Maybe I'll tell him all sorts of embarrassing things about you! Like how you talk in your sleep!"

"What! No!" Jean throws a pillow at Connie and the two of them laugh and banter back and forth.

Jean realizes that a weight has lifted off his chest, and he feels light like a balloon. Has he been wanting to talk about Armin to someone? Is he simply happy that Connie accepts him for who he is?

Or perhaps he's so happy because he found a genuine friend – and maybe, he doesn't have to be scared to make friends.

/

The rain pounded hard that night – Jean remembers it clearly to this day. It previously hadn't been raining at all that week, so the roads were slick with the first rain of the spring.

Jean kept looking at his phone all night – he was sitting at his parent's kitchen table, drumming his fingers incessantly as he waited and waited. His parents were out that night, it was the perfect night to have Marco over, and to finally ask him.

Everything was well prepared – his hand made cake, a bit shoddy, yet still thoughtful, was resting on the counter. It was chocolate, Marco's favorite. One sloppy word was written across it in icing, with a question mark lingering at the end.

It was a cliché idea, but Jean was never too creative. He got tired of looking up various ideas on the internet, so he decided to do something that he knew Marco would like. It would be just the two of them, Jean wasn't ready to do anything flashy in front of the whole school yet – that would have to wait until a couple weeks later, assuming Marco said yes.

The candle flickered until the wick was almost out that night. Jean knew that Marco was often a few minutes late, but when it was thirty minutes after the agreed upon time, Jean began to stir uncomfortably in his seat. An hour after the time, Jean started texting Marco.

"Hey, are you still coming over?" Jean had typed.

He waited for a reply, and when none came, he called Marco.

The phone rang but went to voicemail. Jean sighed, and he hoped that Marco hadn't forgotten about their date – but how could he? He was so excited when Jean had asked him over the other day.

Was inviting Marco over to his house alone too bold of a move? The two of them hadn't gone all the way yet, but Marco surely knew that Jean would never force him to do anything he was uncomfortable with.

So then what was the hang up? Why was Marco so late for their date? He had never been this late before.

After five more unanswered calls and several texts, Jean finally decided to give Marco's home phone a ring. He didn't usually talk to Marco's parents – it had always felt a bit awkward for him, since he was dating their son but keeping it a secret.

Marco's parents didn't answer their phone that night either. Jean thought it was probably because it was so late – he tried calling them after 10pm.

Considering the night a loss, he had gone to bed at 11pm.

It was the next morning when Jean found out what happened – his mother had gotten a call from a sobbing Marco's mom, explaining about the accident.

Jean's heart seemed to stop working that morning. He went through the motions that day like he was living in someone else's body. Everything felt numb, and nothing mattered anymore.

He was only able to break down in tears later that day when he saw that the cake he made was still sitting on the kitchen counter, with the forever unanswered question, "Prom?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I left this chapter hanging so cruelly! I know it's sad - but just like in the anime, Marco has passed away :( thank you everyone who has been reading this! I appreciate your dedication and patience!


	5. Rain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another date and Jean reveals some of his secrets - how will Armin react?

Armin walks into the bakery and inhales the sweet aroma of frosted cupcakes and berry pies - coming here for his second date with Jean was surely a great idea!

Armin spots Jean standing in the corner, wearing a bemused expression as he watches Armin. Armin ambles over to him, excitement bubbling in his chest.

"Hey there, you're here early," Armin says, looking at his watch.

"You are too," Jean points out.

"I was too excited to wait," Armin admits.

Jean laughs and nods his head, "yeah, me too." Armin smiles, loving that Jean is opening up to him and being honest. He seems less tense this time, as compared to their first date. The two order some cakes and tea and find a table.

"You got key lime pie?" Armin asks, furrowing his brows together, "that's an interesting choice."

"Yeah, I usually prefer fruity items over chocolatey ones," Jean says, "I used to really love chocolate...but my tastes have changed."

Armin looks down at his double chocolate fudge cake, "so I guess you won't be wanting a piece of mine then?" he jokes.

Jean laughs, "Nah, it's all for you, sweetie." Armin nearly chokes on his bite, but he pats his chest and the chocolate cake slides down easily. Jean chuckles again, his cheeks dusted pink - Armin finds it adorable. It seems that Jean enjoys teasing him- so Armin will just have to find the chance to get him back.

"So, if you don't like sweets too much, then why did you decide to take me here?" Armin wonders.

"Well, you like sweets," Jean states, "I wanted to make you happy."

"Being anywhere with you would make me happy," Armin admits. Jean's face turns red, and he stammers a minute, unsure how to respond.

After a few bites of his pie, Jean finds his words, "I'm really happy with you too Armin."

Armin places a hand on the table, and Jean follows suit, intertwining their fingers in a clasp, both grinning wide.

….

After finishing their pastries, the two decide to go for a walk in the park to enjoy the crisp autumn air. Armin takes a deep breath, "mmm, it's so nice out! The leaves will start changing color soon."

"Yeah? I can't wait," Jean says.

"It's already October, I can't believe it," Armin replies, "this semester is going by so quickly! Our play is going to be showing soon, I'm so nervous," Armin confesses.

"Oh that's right! I almost forgot you're in the drama club," Jean says, "what kind of a play are you guys putting on?"

"It's a drama, called Now and Forever - it's an original piece by a student from the English department," Armin explains.

"Wow, what's it about?" Jean asks.

"Well, you'll have to come watch it to find out!"

"Deal," Jean says, smiling.

"Really? You want to see it?" Armin feels elated.

"Yeah of course! I want to support you," Jean says.

Armin feels an explosion of butterflies in his chest, "thank you. I'm glad you really want to come! I have a small part,but I'm still anxious about it!"

"I'm sure you'll be fabulous," Jean says confidently, "when is the play?"

"Opening is in two weeks!" Armin says, "and it'll run until October 30th."

"So you'll have Halloween night free?" Jean asks.

"Yeah I guess so! Why, do you have something in mind?" Armin asks.

Jean blushes at that question, which Armin finds odd - "Well," Jean starts, "maybe we could watch a scary movie together and cuddle?"

Armin's chest expands and his heart beats faster, "I'd love that!" He squeezes Jean's hand and watches a smile form on Jean's face. "I'm just happy that you see a future with us," Armin admits, blushing from head to toe.

Jean bites his bottom lip, "well, I do really like you," he says awkwardly, "and I hope you like me too...but I can't assume anything."

"I do really like you," Armin says quickly.

Jean smiles widely, then averts his eyes, looking around the park before swooping in and giving Armin a kiss on the forehead. Armin startles at the gesture- it was so unexpected, yet adorable. It leaves him melting into the ground, barely able to move once Jean starts walking again.

"Are you coming?" Jean teases, and Armin scurries to catch up, blinking away his daze.

Armin locks his hand together with Jean's again, but not without noticing the shifting look Jean gives towards people walking around them. Armin realizes that Jean must feel uncomfortable, so he lets go of his hand quickly and mutters, "sorry."

"Hm?" Jean looks down questioningly at him.

"You seemed uncomfortable with holding my hand in public...and I noticed you looked around before kissing my forehead. I get it. If you don't want to do things like that, I understand," Armin explains.

"Hey," Jean stops walking and leans against a tree, beckoning Armin forth, "I-I didn't mean to look like I wasn't enjoying our date. I really am. I'm just still new to this...we're a lot closer to campus at this park and I know there'll be people who will see us and recognize us here, unlike at the aquarium. I know that I'm bisexual, but I'm still not very open about it...I couldn't be in high school or in front of my parents, so I guess I'm still really conscious about it...I'm sorry Armin, I know it's probably really annoying...I want to hold your hand, and do other things, but I can't stop thinking that someone might be cruel or say something bad to you...I know it sounds crazy."

"That isn't crazy," Armin says, smiling softly, "I understand that paranoid feeling. I kept quiet about my sexuality in high school for a long while, until one day I got fed up with Eren asking me what type of girls I was interested in. I finally snapped and told him I liked guys, and he didn't mind at all. After that, it was easier, it was like all I needed was to get the affirmation from one person that it was alright, and then I was soon able to tell everyone in my life. So what I'm trying to say," Armin slows himself down, trying not to ramble, "is that it's okay to take your time, I won't ever make you do anything you're uncomfortable with. Just know that being bisexual or gay or anything isn't wrong. And you're in a good place to start coming out - everyone in college is really understanding and caring here, unlike the old pricks."

Jean laughs at that last comment, and Armin can see his shoulders loosening as he becomes less tense. "Yeah I know it isn't wrong, I just come from a conservative town with strict parents...we had a lot of douchebag kids in high school who would pick on others for their differences, and I tried my hardest to not get teased...I used to be a lot more worried back then, but I'm starting to realise that you're right Armin. I actually came out to Connie the other day, and he was excited to hear about you - a little too excited actually haha," Jean says.

"Wow! That's awesome!" Armin says, "so he knows you're on a date with me? Were you nervous to tell him?"

"He kinda...provoked the information out of me," Jean says, his eyebrow twitching slightly, "I was nervous he would think of me differently, but he didn't. He is my friend after all."

"And you were trying to tell me you have no friends," Armin says in a "I told you so" sort of voice.

Jean rolls his eyes, "Yeah, you were right," He laughs a little then adds, "I want to come out to more people, but I still need to do so in my own time...I hope you understand."

"I understand completely," Armin says, nodding. He smiles at Jean then walks forward, continuing their stroll through the park.

Jean lingers back though, and Armin turns around, confused. "So...since I'm not yet comfortable with PDA...did you want to find somewhere a bit more private to hang out?" he asks, his cheeks crimson.

Armin feels his stomach do a somersault. He stammers a moment, unsure how to respond. Jean takes his pause for a 'no' apparently, and frantics, "Ah, no I don't mean like that! I want to take things slow! Connie is out on a trip today so I thought we could just cuddle up and watch a tv show or something together...I wasn't thinking anything more than that, I promise."

Armin giggles, Jean is simply too cute. "Yeah," Armin agrees, "I would like that a lot!"

…..

A few minutes later, Jean is patting his bed, encouraging Armin to join him so they can watch Netflix from his laptop. Armin gets up precariously, leaving the tiniest bit of distance between them - he wants nothing more than to lean into Jean and embrace him, but he doesn't want to make Jean feel awkward or rush things.

Jean starts browsing the list of endless choices, "so...maybe a funny show or something?"

"Yeah, that would be good," Armin says, "do you like The Workplace?"

"Yeah, I love that show," Jean nods, "have you seen it all?"

Armin shakes his head, "I'm somewhere in season 3 if you want to go there."

Jean picks a random episode from the season and hits play. He then leans his body back to rest against the wall and gives Armin a look. Armin blushes and scoots over closer towards Jean's outstretched arm.

Jean puts his arm around Armin and squeezes him, "you comfy?"

"Yeah," Armin says, melting into Jean's body, his heartbeat racing.

The two watch the episode in silence for a few moments, laughing at the appropriate times. Armin's laughter is a bit forced though, as he is so nervous he can hear his own heart beat. He wonders if Jean can hear it too - or maybe even feel it.

Armin barely pays attention to the episode, which seems to go by very quickly. He looks up at Jean, who says, "what do you think? Do you want to watch another one?"

"Jean...I couldn't even pay attention to that episode at all," Armin admits.

Jean blushes furiously, "Oh...hah," he laughs nervously.

"Sorry if I'm making things weird!" Armin says frantically, "yeah, um, we could watch another one."

Jean reaches his hand out towards the laptop, and Armin expects him to hit play - but instead, he shuts his laptop off and sets it aside. "I don't have much interest in watching anything either," he concedes, "I'd much rather do this," Jean grabs Armin's face in his hands - gently, caressing his cheeks - and kisses him.

His lips are trembling slightly, but they find their mark expertly, with fervor. His lips are warm and full against Armin's, and Armin suddenly feels all the air expel from his lungs as the kiss quite literally takes his breath away.

Jean parts slowly and takes a look at Armin. Armin opens his eyes to see a starry-eyed and desperate looking Jean before him. Jean cracks a half smile, as if to ask "is this okay?" The words are silent, Jean can't seem to find his voice, but Armin understands his look perfectly. Armin smiles widely and nods, giving Jean the okay to kiss him again.

Jean sighs in relief and kisses Armin again - Armin is once more swept up, his head feeling dizzy. He molds his lips to fit against Jean's, turning his head slightly to get a better feel for their kiss. Jean pulls his fingers through Armin's hair, and Armin gasps in his throat, pleased with Jean's every movement.

Armin parts his lips slightly, feeling Jean's tongue slide in against his own. His chest inflates as they begin making out, soft and sweet, both careful not to take things too far just yet. Armin smooths his hand over Jean's back as they kiss, and Jean's hand stays threaded through Armin's blonde hair, as if he's holding on for dear life. Armin sighs contentedly against Jean's lips, his stomach full of butterflies.

As they kiss, Armin is slightly aware of the noise of pattering against the window - it must have started to rain. He doesn't mind at all - in fact, he quite likes holding Jean close and kissing him while it softly rains outside. The noise steadily becomes louder, until there's a sheet of water pouring outside, and a crack of thunder that startles the both of them.

Armin giggles at the way Jean jumps to the noise, breaking their kiss unintentionally. Armin laughs and watches at Jean turns his head to the window, as if he only just realized it's pouring outside.

"It's raining?" he asks, staring blankly.

"Yeah...we were both too distracted to notice the weather," Armin chuckles, still feeling giddy.

Jean turns his face back towards Armin, and Armin's smile is immediately wiped away. Jean is pale, and his eyes are wide with fear. Armin knows at once that something is wrong. "Wh-what is it?" Armin asks, alert.

"Oh...I," Jean shakes his head, "it's silly."

"No...it's not silly," Armin exhales deeply, "did I take things too far? We-"

"No that's not it!" Jean interrupts Armin hastily, "I really like you Armin. I'm just terrified of the rain." Jean shuts his eyes in embarrassment, but Armin doesn't dare laugh at him - how could he? He understands that this fear is not something he should make fun of Jean for.

"Come here," Armin wraps his arms around Jean and pulls him close, "it's okay. We can lay still and wait for the rain to pass."

"I'm sorry," Jean is shaking slightly in Armin's arms, "I know it's a really lame thing to be afraid of…"

Thunder claps again and Jean quakes more against Armin, clinging on for dear life. Armin holds him closer, "don't be sorry! It's nothing to be ashamed of! I'm afraid of heights, you can't get me close to any ferris wheel no matter how hard you beg."

"You are so understanding, thank you for being so cool," Jean says, burying his face in Armin's shirt - whether from fear or embarrassment, Armin can't tell.

"Hey, do you have any headphones in here?" Armin asks.

Jean nods against Armin's chest, "in my drawer over there."

Armin gets up from the bed for a moment and pulls out the headphones. He plugs it into his phone and puts the headphones over Jean's ears. He starts to play some music, and Jean looks at him questioningly. "If you're listening to music, it will drown out the thunder and rain," Armin explains.

Jean smiles wide and nods, taking Armin's phone and picking a song he likes. He resumes his cuddling with Armin, listening to the music and ignoring the thunderstorm. Armin watches Jean cuddle up against him with awe - Jean is so tender, and beautiful. He never would have guessed that Jean would be scared of a simple thunderstorm, but he's still learning about him and peeling back his layers.

The rain soon starts to die down, and the thunder ceases. Jean pulls the headphones off and looks back up at Armin, still a bit abashed. "I ruined our date," he says flatly.

"No! What on earth are you saying?" Armin asks.

"Armin...I really like you...so you should know the truth," Jean sits up, looking at Armin seriously. Armin furrows his brow questioningly, but allows Jean to continue, "the reason I hate the rain...it's related to an event from my past. I'm not sure yet if I'm ready to talk about all the details...but it's something that happened to me that I'm still not completely over. I was hesitant to date someone in college, or to even make friends because of what happened. I wanted to keep to myself, all alone. But then I met you and I really like you...I just don't know if I can be a great boyfriend, I'm not sure what I can do to make you happy when half the time I'm still feeling upset over my past."

Armin takes in this information for a moment, pausing before he speaks. "Jean, we can take time to get to know each other and to continue dating, we don't have to jump into anything serious if you aren't ready. I want to support you the best way that I can, but I understand if you don't want to open up about what happened yet. I don't think closing up and keeping to yourself is the best option though...you'll be lonely and miserable if you do that."

"You're right, I know you are. It's just hard because...I don't want to experience that pain again...and if I keep to myself, nothing can hurt me, even if I am lonely," Jean says, his voice hanging in the air.

"Being in a relationship has its risks, I understand that even though I've never been in a relationship before. But you do make me happy Jean, and I seem to make you happy too, so I'm okay with taking some risks. I want to get to know you better, and I understand if it takes a long time and I understand if you're ever upset about what happened in your past...I hope that you can share with me your story someday," Armin says, taking Jean's hand and squeezing it.

"Yeah…" Jean stares off blankly for a moment, processing his thoughts. "You...you're really okay with still dating me? Even though you know I have baggage?"

Armin nods, "Jean, we all have secrets, and things that we're afraid to share. It's okay."

Jean smiles sweetly at Armin, although Armin can tell that he's still somewhat in disbelief. It's as though Jean doesn't think this will last, or he can't see a bright future for them. Armin can feel that Jean is pulling back, so Armin pulls him closer physically, trying to indicate that everything will be okay. He hugs Jean, and Jean soon hugs back, squeezing tight. "You are truly amazing," Jean whispers.

Armin smiles at Jean, "I'm really glad you shared that with me, I think it was really brave of you to do."

Jean gives him a half smile then glances back over to the window, "well, I'm just happy that it finally stopped raining!" he looks over at Armin again then peers at the clock, "I should probably walk you home now."

"Oh!" Armin realizes how late it is - he still needs to work on some assignments for his class tomorrow.

The two walk hand in hand out of the dorm building, and then cease their hand holding when they walk outside. Armin talks about various topics with Jean, trying to get his mind off of the rain and whatever happened in his past. Eventually, Jean laughs more genuinely with Armin, and gives him a flashing grin.

They arrive at Armin's dorm building and wave goodbye, both with a secret smirk planted upon their faces - both wishing they could do more than wave.

But Armin is okay with the way things are now - he can wait until Jean is ready to come out to others, and to reveal more of himself to Armin. Until then, Armin is perfectly content with getting to know Jean slowly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for being patient with updates for this story! I hope you enjoy this chapter, I want to write more for this soon! :)


	6. Panic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All Jean wants is to enjoy his time with Armin - but can he enjoy it when he's constantly reminded of his troubled past?

'We kissed!' The thought keeps circling in Jean's head over and over as he walks back to his dorm room, feeling a bit dizzy. Making out with Armin had felt magical, words can't describe how happy he was when they kissed.

And yet, he made the mistake of whimpering like a child because of the stupid weather - why oh why did it have to rain today? And why couldn't Jean just get over everything that happened?

Well, it still hasn't been that long - Marco passed away in May, a few weeks before Prom. Jean didn't go to Prom, and he was barely present for his last few weeks of his senior year in high school. It had been the toughest time in his entire life - and not to mention that no one even knew that he and Marco were dating.

There were some who suspected it, but Jean was never comfortable with coming out at the time. He was finally ready to come out, he was going to ask Marco to prom and then tell his parents. He was going to bring Marco to prom and show to all his friends that he had a boyfriend, that he was comfortable with being bisexual, that he no longer cared what the jerks in school said about it. He knew at the time that things would be okay.

But then Marco got in a car accident. The roads were wet and slippery that night, and Marco had lost control of the wheel. No one else was hurt, and eye witnesses said that there wasn't much that could have been done. The impact against the tree crushed the car, and Marco never breathed again.

It's been almost five months, Jean has tried his best to live a "normal" life. Therapy in the summer helped him to maintain a calmer mind, and to fight the urge to kill himself. He realized that it wasn't his fault, that this was no one's fault.

Yet happiness was a comfort that abandoned him after that rainy night. He was in a constant state of misery, disbelief and numbness from that point forward.

Until he met Armin.

Jean tries to wash away the depressing thoughts of the past by focusing on that kiss again, replaying it in his mind's eye. Armin tasted like pure honey, sweet and tender and perfect. Small fuzzies erupt inside Jean's stomach, just thinking about it makes him feel head drunk.

He makes it back into his dorm room, shocked to find that Connie is back.

"Hey there!" Connie greets, happy as always. "How was your date?"

"It was good," Jean says, not giving any details. "How was your trip to the beach with Sasha?"

"Well, we got rained out after a while, so we came back early," Connie say, rolling his eyes, "I thought today was going to be a sunny day! But anyways," Connie wiggles his eyebrows at Jean, "did you and Armin...you know, do anything?"

Jean blushes furiously, still uncomfortable with sharing such personal information with anyone. He never thought a friend would want to know about his deeds with a guy. "As if I would give you any details like that," Jean says.

"Oh c'mon! Did you at least kiss him?" Connie asks.

Jean's face turns beet red again, and he doesn't answer. Connie whoops in response to Jean's silence, taking that as a "yes."

"I knew it," Connie says, "you're a smooth operator, aren't you?"

Jean laughs at that one - he's anything but smooth.

….

Classes seem to pick up in the following week, giving Jean a massive amount of work and research to do, and keeping him busy. He finds some small times to see Armin, during lunches or to study together in the library. Yet he's frustrated with the fact that they haven't had much alone time together since their last date.

The two are seated together in the library, Armin is helping him with some biology homework. Jean never expected that human biology would be so difficult - yet it's a requirement in order to become a physical trainer. Armin seems to understand everything in his textbook like it's second nature.

"Does that make more sense?" Armin asks, peering up at Jean to see if he understands.

Jean nods, grateful for Armin's explanation. "Yeah, thank you," he says. He leans back and stretches, already bored of studying. "I wish I could study human biology in private with you," he says, using a bad pick up line on Armin.

Armin nearly spits out his drink. He coughs it down and laughs at Jean, pink in the face, "wow, that was really lame!"

Jean laughs, agreeing. "Yeah...well for real though," he leans in closer, feeling his face grow hot, "I wouldn't mind some alone time with you. When are you free?"

Now it's Armin's turn to blush - he bites his lip as he thinks, "tomorrow...once I finish my exam, I'll have about an hour and half to myself in my dorm room before my roommate comes back from his classes."

"That sounds promising," Jean says, "I haven't been to your room yet."

"It's small, but it'll work," Armin says, "now, let's get back to helping you with this biology!"

….

Jean takes a look around Armin's dorm room - he's right, it is quite small, much smaller than the room he and Connie share. A bunk bed is pushed up against the wall with two tiny desks cornering it, almost looking like a comical Tetris puzzle.

Armin shuffles around for something in his desk drawer, and he beams over at Jean as he hands him a ticket, "What's this for?" Jean asks.

"It's a ticket to see my play," Armin explains, "I wanted to surprise you with that...I mean, if you still want to go."

"Of course I still want to go, silly," Jean says, "I was planning to buy my own ticket, you didn't have to get one for me."

"They give us 3 tickets to hand out to our friends and family," Armin explains, clearly happy that Jean wants to go, "I'm giving my other two tickets to my friends Mikasa and Eren, you can all go watch it together."

"Oh," Jean rubs the back of his neck with his hand, "Sure...I mean, if they like me."

"They'll love you!" Armin exclaims, "They already know a lot about you anyways, they always want to know how our dates go."

"Oh?" Jean is surprised to hear that Armin shares so much personal information with his friends - yet that's what friends are for, right? They're supposed to be people you can trust.

"Ah, I hope that's okay!" Armin looks up anxiously at Jean, "I had told them a while ago that I liked you, way before I knew that you wanted to keep things more secretive. And they won't tell anyone! And they're cool about it all, I promise!"

"Relax, it's alright Armin," Jean places a hand on Armin's shoulder, "I'm just a bit nervous to meet them again, I don't think I made a very good first impression on them when I asked Mikasa to be my date that time," the two laugh about the awkward memory, and then Jean continues, "and I've been thinking more and more about coming out. I mean, Connie already knows, and your friends know. I think it would be okay to show a little more affection in public...slowly."

Armin's eyes light up at that, "Jean that's wonderful! But no pressure - I'm sorry again for telling everything to my friends."

"It's okay," Jean cups Armin's face with one hand, rubbing his thumb along Armin's cheek - Armin is so cute when he's flustered. "You shouldn't have to hide anything from your friends."

"Y-yeah," Armin stutters out, clearly lost in a daze as Jean's thumb moves in slow tantalizing circles across his cheek. Jean moves his face closer and closer to Armin's.

Jean can't wait any longer - he presses his lips up against Armin's and kisses him, soft and slow. The floor seems to open up beneath them and the air is whisked away as they kiss. Jean leads Armin to the bunk beds, and the two crash into the bottom bunk clumsily, chuckling as Jean almost hits his head.

It's quite difficult to sit upright in a bottom bunk, so Armin lies down and Jean follows suit.

"I-is this okay?" Armin asks, a bit worried.

"We don't have to - uh - you know," Jean struggles to find the words, "I mean, we wanted to take this slow. I just really want to kiss you right now."

"Me too," Armin confides, his eyelids hooded. Jean rushes forth and kisses Armin again, passionately, pushing him hard against the sheets.

Their bodies naturally grind up against one another as they kiss, but neither dares to move their hands below the waist. They keep to their promise to take this slow, and to not betray the other's trust. Jean slides his tongue against Armin's, then bites Armin's lip. Armin squeals and squirms beneath Jean, clearly getting a little aroused.

Jean pulls up from the kiss, trying to savor the moment and not rush this relationship. He looks at Armin's eyes, seeing desire written in them. Armin wants more - and Jean has to admit, he does too.

Armin is breathing fast, his cherry lips enticing Jean for more kisses. Jean responds to their call, capturing them in a zealous embrace. He places his hands through Armin's blond hair, and he tilts his head to give in more to the kiss, using his actions to speak what his clouded mind can't formulate with words - "Armin, you are my light, you make me happy." That sentiment runs throughout Jean as he kisses Armin everywhere - his lips, his neck, his jawline, and even his nose.

Armin giggles at all the seemingly random face kisses, and Jean says, "I need to kiss you all over Armin. You're just too cute."

Armin blushes and sticks out his tongue as if to say "am not." But Jean pokes his own tongue out against Armin's and begins to make out with him again. He feels Armin's hips thrust up against his own, and that makes Jean stop in his tracks and look down at Armin.

"Sorry," Armin says, looking bashful.

"It's okay," Jean kisses Armin's nose, "maybe we shouldn't make out like that on the bed like this...our bodies are naturally going to react."

Armin nods, "Yeah, I think you're right."

Jean ducks out from the bottom bunk and Armin lifts up, still looking winded, his hair matted and messy.

"Jean have you..." Armin gulps, his face beet red as he tries to get the words out, "have you ever gone all the way with someone before?"

Jean feels his heart race maddeningly - there was only one person who he ever wanted to have sex with in his life. That chance was stolen away from him though, and he hadn't previously felt any sort of sex drive since Marco's death. Not until now.

"I haven't," Jean says honestly, "I-I never really got the chance."

"Me neither," Armin says, covering half his face in his hands from embarrassment, "but I'm kind of relieved you haven't either."

"Yeah," Jean bends forward and kisses Armin's forehead gently, "we'll take this slow, remember? No pressure."

"Yeah," Armin agrees, "that kind of stuff...I know this may sound silly, but I only want to do it with someone who I'm in a serious relationship with. I have to trust the person completely."

Jean pauses - of course that makes sense, it isn't silly at all. Yet does Jean fit Armin's description? They haven't exactly defined what their relationship is to each other yet, they've been on some dates, but Jean is still holding back in public. Is he causing Armin distress? Jean isn't a very open person either, so how can Armin ever learn to trust him?

Jean doesn't know the answers. He feels a stirring of doubt and fear inside him, and he slumps over into Armin's desk chair, suddenly glum.

"Um, are you alright?" Armin asks, worried.

"Yeah," Jean's mind is racing, and he's far from alright. "I have a bit of a stomachache, that's all," he lies. Armin bites his lower lip, his eyebrows furrowed.

"Do you want me to get you some water?" Armin offers.

"No..." Jean glances at his phone to check the time, "your roommate will be back soon right? I should probably head out."

"Are you sure? You do look a little pale..." Armin says.

Jean nods and gets up, "I'll go to my place and rest," he gets out of the chair and heads for the door, his stomach dropping as he sees the look of concern and defeat etched into Armin's face. He knows he's at fault for making Armin feel so upset.

He turns and says, "I'll text you later. Thank you for today."

Armin gives him a half smile and says, "Sure, I'll talk to you later then."

Jean leaves Armin's dorm and rushes out, the ghosts of his past chasing him away.

...

Jean's heart won't stop drumming like mad, and dark thoughts keep circling in his head. He's panting fast, his chest clenched tight. It's a moment too late before he realizes he's having a panic attack. He sits down on a bench outside, waiting for the waves to calm and for his thoughts to clear. He feels as though he's drowning in a thick ocean.

He takes several deep breaths and counts to 10 several times to calm his body down. He learned this technique from a therapist, as he used to get a lot of panic attacks before coming to college. Once he feels better he looks around himself to ground his body to the present, trying his hardest not to dwell on thoughts from the past.

But it's like a plague in his mind - he remembers talking to Marco about the same topic, just a few months back, a week or two before his death. Marco and Jean had been secretly dating for a few months at that time, and Marco had brought up that he wanted to have sex - but he wanted it to be special. Jean had planned everything out - how to ask him to prom, come out to his parents and his friends, then have a wonderfully romantic night with Marco on prom. Sure, it was cliche, but Marco loved that sort of thing. Everything was going to be perfect.

Jean feels something on his cheeks, and he touches under his eye, feeling the wetness of his tears. He's so wrapped up in his thoughts that he didn't even realize he was crying. He probably looks like a fool, sitting on a bench alone and crying. He's lucky that there are only a few students walking around at this time, as it's late in the afternoon - most people are in the dining hall or in their dorms studying by now.

He sighs, ready to get up and go lie down in his bed - he feels exhausted after having a panic attack. He starts walking towards his dorm, when he spots someone that makes him stop in his tracks.

Blonde hair up in a tight bun, tall and slender figure - it can't be her though. Annie, a girl from his high school, the girl who approached him after Marco's death and asked if he was more than just a friend to Marco - the girl who somehow knew too much.

She turns her face and Jean's stomach turns - it is her, Annie Leonhart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for being patient with this story! :) Thank you to all my readers!


	7. Jealousy Game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Armin sees Jean talking to a strange blonde girl, and he can't help but feel jealous. What is Jean hiding from him?

Armin lays back in bed, confused and elated all at once. Kissing Jean takes his breath away, and leaves him feeling light as air. But why did Jean scurry out of his dorm, as if some ghost was chasing him? Armin can feel that Jean is hiding something, and that he isn't truly opening up all the way yet.

Perhaps he needs more time. Armin pouts, wondering why Jean can't simply talk about what's going on to him - why would he lie about a stomach ache instead of simply telling Armin the truth? Armin won't know how to support Jean unless Jean lets him in. He's built up a wall, and Armin is trying desperately to climb over it and wrap himself around Jean's heart.

But maybe Jean doesn't want that - maybe he's still confused about his sexuality, and isn't sure about his future with Armin. Perhaps he doesn't see a future with Armin.

Armin groans, feeling unsure and dreading the worst. He has a bad habit of believing in the worst possible scenario.

He likes Jean so much - every second he spends with him and learns more about him, he feels his heart pining more and more. He has to remind himself daily that he wanted to take this slow, and that there's no need to rush into labels or definitions of what their relationship is.

And yet, Armin wonders what Jean wants - does he simply want to date Armin until he gets bored? Or is there something more to this?

…..

"I can't believe our teacher wants a three page essay due by the end of the week," Eren complains, venting out his frustration to Armin. Armin nods, half listening. It's been a few days since the incident with Jean rushing out of his dorm, and he's been distracted ever since. Jean still texts him everyday, but something is off.

"Armin," Eren waves a hand in front of Armin's face, "are you even listening?"

Armin sighs, "Eren, the syllabus is there for a reason. If you had checked it ahead of time, you would know about this essay and wouldn't be caught off guard."

Eren rolls his eyes, "well, it just means I'll have to stay up late to get it done. Hey!-" Eren startles Armin with his cry, and Armin follows Eren's gaze. "Isn't that your boyfriend?"

Armin blushes, "I told you, we aren't official." But Eren is right - Jean is up ahead of them, leaning against a wall of a bricked building and chatting with a girl. Armin doesn't recognize the girl, but he can see that she is strikingly beautiful - golden blonde hair with a slender and tall figure.

"Who's that chick?" Eren asks bluntly.

"I don't know, let's just go this way," Armin suggests, not wanting to pass by Jean and make things awkward. Yet his heart is pumping mad with something venomous, something he can't describe.

"You don't think…" the gears in Eren's head are turning, and he suddenly has that look in his eyes, "I'll beat him up!"

"Eren!" Armin catches hold of Eren's collar, just in time, "you can't assume things like that! It looks like they're just having a conversation."

Eren stops and nods and the two of them watch Jean and the blonde talk, but it's impossible to tell what they are talking about from this distance. The blonde keeps leaning forward towards Jean, and she even puts a hand on his shoulder at one point, with a look of concern on her face. Armin can see Jean sighing, and he presses his palms to his face, nodding about something the blonde says. Her hand still rests upon Jean's shoulder, and Armin can't stand to look anymore.

"C'mon," Armin says, turning away. He recognizes the heavy and angered feeling in his heart as jealousy. He knows he shouldn't have anything to worry about, but he doesn't like the way this girl touched Jean, or the way it seemed that Jean was able to talk to her smoothly and open up with her. He doesn't like it one bit.

"Armin," Eren rushes to keep up with Armin, still turning around to blatantly peek at Jean, "he's still talking to her...do you want me to say something?"

"No, there's no need. I'm seeing him tomorrow, I'll ask him about her," Armin explains, his heart threatening to explode with green hatred.

"Are you sure you're up for that?" Eren asks, his voice full of worry.

"I said it's fine!" Armin snaps, "you don't always need to do everything for me. I'm not a kid anymore."

Eren places his hands up in defeat, "Sheesh, I know. I just want to help. Sorry."

Armin takes a deep exhale, he knows he shouldn't be projecting his anger towards Eren. "Sorry," Armin says, "I just want some time alone, is that ok?"

Eren nods and gives Armin an encouraging smile before heading off, no doubt to look for Mikasa. Armin sighs, the floor beneath him still dizzy and swaying.

….

Armin greets Jean with a half hearted smile the next day before getting in his car. They had this date planned for a while now, but Armin suddenly isn't as excited anymore. He can't get the blonde girl's face out of his mind's eye - the way she consoled Jean, with her genuinely worried eyes. Armin's insides are hot with jealousy and confusion.

"You alright?" Jean asks, noticing Armin's discontent.

Armin nods, not sure what to say. Should he bring up what he saw the other day? Or should he swallow his emotions down? Is he being too paranoid?

When they pull up to the massive building that reads "Gaming One" Armin feels himself getting excited and flustered again. He's never been to this massive arcade and entertainment facility - apparently they have old school and new arcade games as well as bowling and food!

He forgets about the blonde girl and takes Jean's hand as he leads them into the facility. Armin's eyes go wide as he stares at all the blinking lights eager to play every game.

"What do you want to try first?" Jean asks him, holding out a "Gaming One" card that he just filled with points for the games.

Armin points to the wall of Guitar Heros and Rock Band games, "Let's do that!"

Jean laughs and adds, "I'm no good at those games, but sure! Let's give it a go!"

…..

Turns out that Jean was right - he can barely move his fingers clumsily over the fake drums in time with the rhythm and Armin laughs as he effortlessly slides his fingers over the guitar's buttons.

"How are you doing this?" Jean asks, missing yet another note. The game boos him ominously and Armin chuckles.

"I'm well versed in video game culture. I thought you knew you were dating a nerd," Armin states. He turns his face away quickly to look back at the screen, hiding his blush. Is it ok that he said the word "dating?" Is he thinking too much about everything again?

"You're right," Jean concedes as the song finishes, "I'm dating the world's biggest dork," Armin playfully shoves him, "but at least he's cute."

Armin blushes furiously again, his heart is a fluttering bird in his chest. "Well…" he says, "what games are you good at?"

Jean ponders this for a moment, "Not too many...Although I'm not bad at those claw machines. Maybe I can win a stuffed animal for you!"

"Really?" Armin raises an eyebrow, "you can't coordinate your finger to push a button when it lines up on a screen, but you can use those impossible claws to get a prize?"

Jean laughs, "Well...I won a prize on those things once! I'm sure I can do it again!"

…

After 15 tries, Jean is still empty handed. Armin has enjoyed himself watching him try again and again to catch the stuffed dolphin, but to no avail.

"Damn, it was a lot easier the last time I got a prize for-" Jean pauses for a moment before finishing his sentence, "for my friend."

Armin narrows his eyes, wondering what Jean was going to say instead of "friend." Surely he won a teddy bear for his previous lover. The blonde girl flashes across Armin's vision and he suddenly doesn't feel like watching Jean fail at this stupid game anymore.

"C'mon," Armin tugs at Jean's sleeve, "let's try something else."

"I'm almost there though!" Jean says, his eyes literally on the prize in the machine before him, "I can feel it!"

"I don't want a stupid stuffed animal anyways," Armin snaps, irritated. Jean finally turns around to see a disgruntled Armin beside him, and his eyebrows furrow with worry.

"Armin what's wrong?" He asks, voice full of concern.

Armin grunts a reply, "nothing. I just don't want to waste anymore time doing this."

"You know, they have one of those photo booths here, do you want to take some silly pictures together? I know it's kind of cliche, but it'll be fun!" Jean suggests, trying to lift the mood.

"Don't you already have photo booth pictures with that blonde girl?" Armin asks before he can stop himself. The green monster inside him spoke up before he could do anything, and now he feels like an utter fool.

Jean looks confused, "Armin what are you talking about?"

Armin wants to melt from embarrassment. He kicks himself, wishing he could take that rude comment back. But it's too late now, "Forget it. I'm sorry."

"No...I-I really want to know what's wrong. You've been acting strange all day. Did I do something to upset you?" Jean asks, insistent.

Armin sighs, "You're gonna think I'm stupid...I'm just being jealous over nothing I'm sure. I saw you talking to this girl yesterday on campus and...I don't know...the way you guys were interacting seemed pretty intimate to me."

"Oh," now it's Jean's turn to blush. Armin squirms uncomfortably, that look on Jean's face confirms that he's been keeping something from him. "Armin, that isn't anything you need to worry about. Her name is Annie, she's an old acquaintance of mine from high school."

"Why did she look so worried about you?" Armin asks, hating himself for questioning Jean like this.

"Honestly Armin, it isn't anything to worry about. And it isn't anything I want to talk about right now either. If you really want to know, I can tell you after our date. I wanted to enjoy our time together here," Jean tells him.

Armin sighs, trying to let go of his worries and convictions. If Jean says he shouldn't worry, then Armin should trust him. He can't help but still feel a bit uneasy, and he wishes he could simply turn off his emotions with a click of a button.

"Okay," Armin says, resolved to put on a good face. He smiles at Jean and the two walk away from the claw machines in search of other games.

….

After another two hours of playing games and eating popcorn and picking out lame prizes with their tickets, they decide to call it a day. Armin is feeling better, he truly did have a good time with Jean. Yet he knows that he made things awkward for the two of them and he can't shake the feeling that whatever Jean is hiding from him is something unsettling.

"Hey go on out and wait for me, I just need to run to the restroom real quick," Jean says to Armin.

"Alright," Armin heads outside, shivering in the cold. He takes a seat on a bench and waits for Jean, who seems to be taking an unnaturally long time in the bathroom.

Just when Armin is about to head back in to see if Jean is okay, Jean walks out, a big grin plastered on his face. His hands are both behind his back. Armin looks at him quizzically and Jean pulls out what's hidden behind his back - it's a stuffed animal, a medium sized hamster with fluffy ears and a cute happy grin.

"It isn't the dolphin you wanted, but this one was the easiest to get," Jean tells a shocked Armin, "I knew if I tried again I'd be able to win you something!"

"Jean," Armin feels like crying suddenly, "Thank you," he chokes out, feeling hot tears cascade down his cheeks.

"Armin," Jean pulls him into a hug, "why are you crying?"

"I acted like a jerk earlier, I had no right to be mad or jealous of you talking to a girl on campus," Armin sobs into Jean's arms, a blubbering mess, "you're too kind to me."

"No, it's okay Armin. I told you I would let you know what that was all about," Jean says comfortingly, "I wanted to get you something to remember this date. You deserve cute gifts that take me 17 tries to win!"

Armin chuckles at that but continues to mope, furious with himself for ever doubting his date. Jean pulls back from the hug and lifts Armin's face up towards him, kissing him right there in front of the building, not caring that there are others around them. Armin can taste his salty tears in the kiss, but the kiss is wonderful and beautiful all the same.

"Let's get into my car, it's freezing out here," Jean says, leading the two away.

Armin follows, holding his new stuffed hamster tightly to his chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow it's been forever since I've posted any chapters to this! THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR PATIENCE! I really appreciate everyone who is continuing to read my story! If you like it, please let me know~ :)


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